Is this what acceptance is like...?
I can't believe I forgot the Thirdaversary of my mom's death two days ago!
I've been very candid about my feelings and grief on this blog.
Sharing my depression and suicidality without shame or fear of judgement
because a lot of my friends are sharing similar loss as we age
and our parents begin to die.
Of course, we all are unique in our suffering because we all have different stories
to share about our relationships with our mothers.
But still... to have already forgotten a significant date!
I guess time and the world does move on...
So today I'll share this song from my iPod...
a song about going through challenges and making it to the other side...
dedicated to all the moms that have gone before us
and are waiting for us on the river's edge...
1 comment:
Good song! I'm glad you have been very open about your grief and everything associated with it on your blog. Its good to get it out and its good to be shared with others. Due to weird circumstances around the time of my mom's death I had given up blogging and we had just moved to a new area and I had no friends and I work at home so I had no support system and my husband wasn't much help because he hadn't lost his parents (yet) and didn't understand what I was going through. I had my 2 siblings but one was in Washington, DC area and my brother, closer living to me, had a very active busy life. Plus I hadn't gone to see my mom when she was so sick and the doctors told my sister "get the family here if they want to see her within the next 10-15 days" but I didn't listen to the doctors (because after all, what do they known - tongue in cheek). Then another long story but I didn't go to her funeral (it involved something son was going through at the time and I felt I couldn't leave hubby and son home alone together or they would kill each other, sadly I didn't think of taking son out of school for a few days and take him with me). So I had lots of regrets, lots of grief and no one really to process it with (except God and that's why there will be a Lake Betty in heaven since he collects every tear). I have a niece who keeps track of dates, she can remember when she started kindergarten, that type of thing, so she always reminded us on the month anniversaries. You're healing but you got a way to go (of course you know that). Some days you'll take 1 step forward and then other days you'll take 5 steps backward. It does help if you have friends, associates, etc., around you dealing with similar things. One of our pastors said its the walking wounded helping others going through the same thing. They are still hurting but at different stages and are able to help others as the begin the process of grief. I promise you will get to the day when you can talk about some things about your mom and not tear up or not cry. I have to admit 4-1/2 years later I still tear up or cry when talking about certain things about Koda, so grief is one of those unwanted friends that show up on your doorsteps when you least expect it.
hang in there!!
betty
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