N is for be Nice

For as long as I can remember, my mother was always telling me to

"be nice."

Was I so horrible, that I had to be frequently reminded

just to be social?

Through grade school,

high school,

college...

she'd include a little note at the bottom of the

letter, check, note, bill...

"Be Nice"

I can remember graduating from college and joining

the work force.  I'd come home and complain about

something or someone, and Momma would help me

talk it through, and then end with "and remember to be nice."

Even when I went to medical school,

and through residency, she'd still remind me to

"be nice."

I do have one of those personalities

that makes it seem as though I am not the friendliest person,

so a gentle reminder now and then to smile and say thank you

or please probably was needed...

Even when she's gone I'll hear that small reminder as I 

start something new, or meet a new group of people

"be nice."

November Notes, Day 20

"The Calm After the Storm"

Today was that weird kind of day where all of a sudden there was nothing to do.  I'm back in Sacramento for a week, and our annual party is over, all the work on the house has stopped for a few weeks, and it's that strange kind of let down when you've been running full blast for what seems like weeks and weeks, and the stress is finally over.

I remember experiencing the same thing in medical school.  You'd have weeks of classwork, then weeks of endless nights preparing for midterms, then a solid week of exams with no rest except to grab something to eat to get back to studying... then Friday would come.  Your exams would be over by around noon, and suddenly you were free with NOTHING TO DO.  You didn't feel the need to rush to get back to the books... that was for Sunday night.  And for just a few hours you could relish in the now.

That's kinda how today felt once I finished all the things I needed to do.  I walked outside and stood in the sunshine, feeling the slight breeze, and just enjoyed being in the moment.  Tomorrow it's back to the rush of the ED for a full 5 days in a row, but today was just a chance to recharge and renew.

November Notes, Day 6

"The Death of George Bell"

I just read an interesting article in the New York Times about a man named George Bell.  He wasn't famous.  He had no famous relatives.  He wasn't famous for anything himself in life, but now has a name in death.  And, he died alone.

I think about people like him when I work in the emergency department.  The kind of people where you think "there but for the Grace of God go I."  The kind where you stop to wonder, who would morn them if they were gone?

Reading this, I thought back to a lot of patients who were regulars and then later died.  We know that they died and that they will not be coming back to the ED, but did anyone else care?  I started to think about "Cowboy" who I wrote about in residency.  I don't think he had a family.  The article made me think about all those patients who leave home in an ambulance and then never return.

It also made me think back to a cardiac surgery patient I had at the VA when I was in medical school.  A simple surgery led to a serious complication led to his death.  I remember telling the family, and their first question was "where are his car keys and where did he park the car?"  Suddenly, I wondered what happens to the cars that patients leave behind when they come to the hospital to check in and never check out?  Mind blown.

How prepared are we for our own deaths?  I'm not talking wills and estates, I'm talking what gets left behind and who's going to sort through it, and what are they going to think?  A good friend had to deal with his mother's belongings after she died.  A mother he wasn't particularly close to, and now he had to deal with her "mess."  And, it was a mess because she was a hoarder.  Seriously, what do you make of "collections" which were important to the person but have no meaning for the survivors?

I guess death is on my mind.  The code patient from my post of a few days ago was pulled off life support.  They were a regular.  I'd seen them multiple times in the ED.  Now, they're another name to be remembered and scratched off the list... but still remembered... at least they didn't die alone.

MyPod Birthday Shuffle IV - Day 15 - (You Want to) Make A Memory

From time to time, I think everyone hears a song on the radio 

which makes you stop and think about "what might have been."

This song does that for me.

Two friends getting together for whatever reason.

Obviously comfortable with each other.

Some would say being with an ex after a long time.

I've never had an ex.  Funny, huh...?

I had a lot of relationships, but no exes.

Seems I just moved on from one relationship

to the next.

Sure I had a first love, and those unrequited loves

I've written about before.

But, no exes.  

No stalker who calls friends to see where I am.

No worrying about where I went out to because I 

"didn't want to run into him and his new girlfriend."

No awkward meeting with his family members.

Anyway.

Although  I am happily married,

I do think about some of the people I dated

or almost dated

or wish I would have dated.... 

And this song reminds me of them,

and what might have been....

myPod Shuffle #6 - Follow Me

Another song chosen mostly for its beat especially the opening guitar solo.  Released in January of 2001, I was in medical school, second year, having just finished the first semester and looking at the long slow climb that is the second semester.  Stress levels were high, people were thinking about the USMLE Board Exam later that summer with it being the last "free" summer before third and fourth year clinicals and then residency and then "real life."

The song is about trying to convince someone to have an affair, and doesn't come close to anything that was happening (or has happened) in my life at that time.  I was having a long distance relationship with my now DH, and med school left little time for any other extraneous activities.  So, this will be a short blog post mostly to comment that I liked the beat, theme of the song didn't matter so much, but a lot of people really liked and could relate to this song... do you?