I am not a hugger...
Never really have been.
I'll allow certain people to hug me
but it took a long time to really get used to being
touched by other people.
Even now I have a very small select
group of people whom I'll tolerate hugging me,
Very small...
At the hospital, I don't shake hands,
mostly because I immediately have to wash my hands
because I can't get the sensation of having been touched
removed from my hands fast enough...
Hugs, yeah, nope...
Today a patient's family hugged me...
A family that I gave bad news to...
A family that understands that their loved one may not survive
despite all our best efforts...
And they hugged me...
I explained what needed to happen,
what was going to happen,
asked what else I could do for them
and they thanked me for everything I had already done...
And then they hugged me...
I stood for a moment stunned as they put their arms around me...
As I patted their back, the hug grew tighter and I felt the familiar
heaves as their tears started...
And, even I have to admit I got a little misty...
I guess it's the ultimate in trust...
this family trusted that I had done everything I could,
the rest they (and I) believed is in God's hands
because their loved one is in a serious condition,
and those few moments I gave them before I put a breathing tube
in their loved one I sincerely feel may be their last chance
to let the patient know how they feel...
And despite being uncomfortable,
at least I could feel good about that...
