Birthday Month Shuffle - 7th Edition Day 17

Isn't it amazing how some people come into your life and completely and utterly change it.  That's even double for someone young that you take under your wing for several weeks and hope that you've made some kind of impact in their life.  Then, at some point, you realize it's them that made the impact in your life.  And, when they're gone, it's like a part of you went with them.

This is dedicated to that special young lady who probably doesn't realize how special she really is, but I'm hoping that she'll realize it and all of her dreams... just don't grow up too fast...

X is for X-Wing Fighter

Anyone else want to fly one of these?  "Star Wars" came out when I was 10, and my dream in life was to be a fighter pilot.  I knew that one day, these would become a reality.  Of course, I changed my mind multiple times about what I wanted to be when I grew up, but a part of me would still love to be a fighter pilot.  Especially flying one of these through the starry skies of space. "Pew! Pew!" indeed!

NaBloPoMo 2018 - Day 12

Dear 15 year old Vonnie,

Right now you are at the end-all, be-all time of your life.  The world is your oyster, and you feel as if there isn't anything you can't do and you're going to conquer the world.  Self-doubt has no place in your life.  You're on Honor Society.  You're a "sosh" and involved in multiple school activities.  You have a boyfriend who loves you and a great circle of friends.  You've lived by your strict Hispanic Catholic parents' rules without question, but things are changing.

There was no question you were going to college.  The expectations have been there since you were in 6th grade.  Have to have the good grades to get into the private all-girls' school; no hanging around boys during those formative years.  Have to have the right volunteer and social activities to get into a good college.  Of course, there's no problem with grades because everything from phone privileges to going to school dances depends on those grades.  That 1st quarter C+ meant no allowance nor going to movies with friends or out at all that 2nd quarter; we learned our lesson then...

And, that boyfriend which technically you're not supposed to have because you're not allowed to date until you're 16... maybe you should have been patient.  Right now you think that Mom has no clue about men.  She divorced when you were just a baby.  She probably only had sex twice, right?  She doesn't know about the passion and excitement that First Love can bring.  She obviously never experienced that need to be with someone else who gives you an emotional connection which she never did.  That need to be held and touched and just feel "loved."  Something else you never got from her.

If you had only waited 4 more months... things might not have gotten hurried and rushed and maybe even closer to disaster.  That explosive argument with your Mom will happen because of that.  But, you broke up with him because you're a good girl and you do what your Mom tells you, even though you'll end up hating her for the next 2 years until you finally escape and go away to college and start to make your own decisions.  

You and your First Love try again for a short time during those first years away from home, but it's not the same because it's long distance and college has it's own new experiences... meanwhile you got to date that football player, had your first "older man" crush, dated the "not good enough for my daughter" musician, and started on your journey to being a full on "hag."  Although, to be honest, you didn't even know what that meant until years later... he was just the sweet and sensitive, good looking best guy friend you'd ever had... super great except he didn't want to kiss you which was ok because you had other guys who did, but why didn't he..?  Well, you're going to learn all about that lifestyle in ways you never imagined...

But, back to your 15 year old self... the next 2 years are going to be super hard.  Life will still be good.  Grades, good.  Friends, good.  Hate your Mom, check.  You'll think about driving yourself off that cliff on the way home multiple times.  You'll think about cutting all the way through your wrists, but then you'll imagine the blood and the mess... and, it's the mess that gets you, because no matter how easy the decision is for you, there will be those left behind that will have to clean up that mess.  And despite your anger and frustration at the world for not being rich enough, pretty enough, anything superficial enough, and despite the fact you hate your Mom, you just can't do that to her... not the killing... the mess.

So you won't, it's another thing you'll get through, and it's a good thing you do because 15 years later after adventures across the country, through Europe where you declare independence, living in Mexico City, doing things that would amaze most people, you take a leap of faith and your Mother's faith in you and you get to go to medical school.  Mom is now your ally in the struggles.  She's your strongest support during a time when things really feel hopeless.  After living away from home for college and then that year in Mexico City, she's suddenly more like a real mom;  someone you can talk to, someone who understands the struggle of being a single woman working her way through the world.  Suddenly she's relatable.

You'll meet the real Love of Your Life in medical school, and he will be a grounding force that keeps you moving ahead.  You'll travel around the country and have the most exciting adventures. You'll move to a beautiful house and make it a home.  You'll have beautiful dogs and cats and chickens and goats and sheep.  No children because the example your Mom set scares you from ever having children because you don't want to be like her.

So be patient.  That breakup means you won't be a pregnant teen because you're so desperate for love and affection.  And you probably would have ended up breaking up with him eventually, because we learn later on that we're bored easily with most men.  It's the challenging ones that really fulfill us, and we've only met one so far that keeps us challenged.  You don't find that at 15... or 16... or 17...  I know you won't commit suicide because you're a person of faith, and you respect your family despite your anger and frustration.  So keep enjoying the heck out of life because it will only get better, and college is only 3 years away... 

Carpe Diem, baby,

Your 15x3+___ self... 

Birthday Shuffle Year V - Day 23 - All I Need is a Miracle

1985, and the world was her oyster...

By February of 1986 when this song came out

so much had changed.

She was still hopeful, though.

UL 2 (unrequited love #2) still seemed

like a possibility.

And this song helped spur on those

naive dreams of finding your

Prince Charming...

Supid girl...

Birthday Shuffle Year V - Day 22 - I Hope I Get It

While this isn't the music from "A Chorus Line" the movie... I think you get the idea...


I've written before that I love musicals.  And this is one of my favorites.  It's a story about dancers trying to reach their dreams.  Which is probably why I have liked "So You Think You Can Dance" for the last 10 years.  Again, people working hard to reach their dreams.

Not to make a political commentary, but as I have been watching the Tour de France and watching SYTYCD this summer, I think sports and dance are the only places left where people who work hard get rewarded for their effort and not just for showing up.  There's no free ride.  If you don't put in the time, you don't have a chance to win the prize.

Ok, and off the soapbox.  What's your favorite musical?

#265 - W is for Wish List

I've been posting photos from my travels for the last month

and there are still so many places I would like to go.

The following is my Top 10 Wish list of places

I still have yet to travel to:

10.  Arctic Circle 

9.  Antarctica

8.  Great Wall of China

7.  India, and go to an Indian Wedding

6.  Denali National Park

5.  Nepal (I know an earthquake just happened, but I want to see Everest)

4.  Great Barrier Reef

3.  Seychelles Islands

2.  Kalahari Desert to see the Meerkats

1.  Tahiti to stay in one of those huts on the water

What's on your wish list...?

#278 - I is for Inspiration

Funny, I couldn't find anywhere I have traveled that started with the letter I.  Ixtapa?  no...  Irapuato, Mexico?  Yes, when I was young, and I think I have two pictures somewhere of a street scene.  Inverness?  no... Ireland?  No...

So I found myself looking for inspiration which led to this photo:

It's me, my mom, and my grandmother.

I'm currently on a road trip with my mother, and as

we retrace roads we traveled long ago, I 

found myself thinking about my grandmother,

who died in 1987, but who also traveled these roads.

And my mother; wondering how much time I have left

with her... and how many more roads we will be able

to travel in that time we have left.

She is my inspiration to travel,

to explore,

to do everything in life that I want,

and to do it all well...

MyPod Birthday Shuffle IV - Day 13 - Something About You

"Now, how can it be That a love carved out of caring 

Fashioned by fate could suffer so hard 

From the games played once too often 

But making mistakes is a part of life's imperfection 

Born of the years Is it so wrong to be human after all?"

There are SO many things I can say about this song.

The song came out in 1985.

High school graduation and starting college.

Meeting UL 2 (unrequited love) who would later cause a lot of heartache

and hardship over the next three years.

This was the first of many I consider "his songs."

And, this one is so fitting because there were a LOT

of games played, and a LOT of mistakes made

on both sides.  I really wish I could go back and tell

18 year old me not to do it.

Don't fall in love.

But I did, and years later this song

still reminds me of a time in my life when I

thought I could have anything I wanted...

Boy, was I wrong.

I thought I would share this version of the song as well.

It came out in an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" and

I downloaded it to my iPod.

MyPod Birthday Month #19 - Fast Car

my birthday fling fast car...  just a rental... but oh so sweet..!

This song reminds me of being an RA (resident assistant) in the dorms at SDSU.

That summer of 1988, we played this song endlessly while

getting things ready for the incoming residents.

At first the song seems to be one of hope,

then as the song progresses, you realize that her hope is dying

and she is telling her lover to get out of her life.

I think I really heard that today for the first time

when the song came up in the shuffle.

The lyrics read like a poem,

and I think this is why I like the song so much...

Enjoy!

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me, myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
Won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
His body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

So remember we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
We go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs

I remember we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

I remember we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

MyPod Birthday Month #10 - One Thing

September 2003 I was a surgical intern. Low man on the totem pole. I was struggling to keep up with my colleagues and the demands of being in training in a major hospital in Chicago. There were so many times when I felt so alone and so frustrated. I would gladly have traded it all for that "one thing" that would have made life easier. I still don't know what that "one thing" would have been, but when you're foundering in a new place and city trying to prove yourself, anything is better than what you're living at the time. In retrospect, though, I know that year helped to make me the doctor I am today, and even now, I don't know that I really would have changed anything... well, except for the chance to be a neurosurgeon... maybe I should have taken that offer...

MyPod Birthday Month #1 - If You Leave Me Now

It's appropriate that the first song 

on the first day

of the third year

of my Birthday Month iPod Shuffle

was released on my birthday month 1976.

It's the first song I remember hearing on the radio.

Isn't that strange?  I can remember the radio being on,

but this song...

this particular song captured my attention.

It was one of the first 45's I remember asking for.

I turned 9 years old that year.

I was going to be starting the 4th grade that fall.

It was 1976.

Nadia Comaneci

The olympics were that month;

Just the start of a young girls' inspirations and dreams

as I watched her flip her way into the history books.

It was a good summer to be young and

just starting to lay the foundation

for the rest of my life...

The First Few Weeks of 2013

I haven't written in a while because it has been crazy busy over the last several weeks.  I decided to just quickly jot down how my year is starting...

After 3 weeks of fun, we took Momma back down to Southern California just after the first of the year.

I cried... It was so nice having Momma around, and we had gotten into quite the routine.

I was especially enjoying the cooking lessons... and eating....

Driving back, we took PCH all the way north and stopped at some of my favorite places...

like Morro Bay... here we are at Morro Rock... the dogs are sure getting around...

After getting home, we almost immediately left for Florida for my national EMS physician's conference.  Five days of warm sunshine... and a cold... Nice to get away, but not so nice getting back...

We flew out of Sacramento, and coming back I stayed for another 5 days to work at Mercy General Hospital.  We have a new contract with the hospital, and they asked for volunteers, so I signed up.  It's nice working at a different hospital.  It gives you a different perspective and gets you out of the usual routine.  Plus you always can learn some new way of doing things...

Speaking of traveling, during my trip to Florida I had a crazy dream.  I dreamt my husband set the house on fire.  I immediately stopped and thought about that mind game where you write down "What three things would you grab if your house was on fire..?"  In my dream, I grabbed Sofie, was looking for a music jewelry box I inherited from my grandmother, and was thinking about what other thing I was going to grab when I woke up, smacked my husband on the arm and told him, "You set the house on fire."

As soon as I got back home from my prolonged absence, I grabbed Sofie, hugged her and told her... "You were the first thing I reached for to rescue from the fire...  

That's how important you are to me..."

Speaking of dreams, I have started my dream journal again.  I kept one while I was in college.  Seems I have been dreaming a lot about traveling lately.  I always seem to be somewhere else.  Maybe I am just having a lot of escapist dreams.  Wishing I were somewhere other than here... especially during flu season.

On the Threshold of a New Year...

My favorite author Tennyson one wrote:

"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come,

whispering "It will be happier..."

Last year at this time I was writing about my hopes and dreams for the upcoming year and thinking about my resolutions;  those I accomplished, those I didn't accomplish, and those I would set forth for the next year.  I wrote about career, travel and family.  I looked forward to a new dog, continuing work on our new home, and darn if that cheetah didn't elude me again.

But, all I have to do to remember the excitement and joy that this last year brought is to look at the over 3500 photos I took this year.  Albeit, about 1500 are probably devoted to just the dogs.  Within a year, we went from a 3 cat household to a three cat, two dog, two goat, two guinea, 13 chicken household.  And, that alone came with it's own share of joys and sadness.

We traveled:  from Tucson, Arizona to Mendocino, California.  Trips to Laughlin, San Francisco, Sacramento.  Disneyland for my birthday!  Camping during the summer to Lakeview, Oregon and down to Hat Creek following the fly boys.  Back to Medford and then down to my home town to get my mother who spent time at our home this year on two separate occasions.

The house got a new look from the outside as work continued.  And, we are so close to finally finishing one room.  Doesn't sound like much, but when you've got a massive home improvement project, it's one room at a time.

Career wise, I started doing shifts at the larger hospital in the area.  I continued as the pre-hospital coordinator and on the county emergency medical committee.  And, I've taken on several projects both in EMS and at my hospital which will continue to add to my leadership roles.  I'm still on several committees with my national organization, and continue to teach and lecture within my group.

As for next year...
 - to run a 5K.  One of my friends at work has challenged me to get back into running.  I've got new shoes.  I've got the Couch to 5K app on my iPhone.  I think I'm set.
 - to get more organized.  For some reason, I used to be the most organized OCD person ever, and that's been sorely lacking in a lot of areas.  I need to find my focus and get coordinated once again.
 - to finish a short story.  I've got so many ideas and partially started projects going that I know I need to stop and focus and finish one... that will lead to two... then three... wash, rinse, repeat
 - to continue to increase the presence of God in my life.  Not that I need any more projects, but to contribute more of my time to the Church.  If anything, to get back into the habit of daily prayer and meditation.
 - to eke out every last bit of joy and fun in the things I do.  We've got several trips planned, and I intend to make next year's photo count even bigger... which might mean I need a new MacBook... darn!
 - and to just lay the foundations for a healthier, happier me... I think that will do the most to change the way I live my life during the upcoming year...

Happy New Years, and may you achieve all your hopes and dreams!!

Welcome 2013!

NaBloPoMo Day 26 - Collective Unconscious

We all share common dreams.
I'm not talking about goals and ideals, I am talking about the stuff that happens when you're asleep.

We all seem to have similar dreams.
Like being back in school, realizing it's the end of the semester and you're missing xyz that you need to graduate;  some class that you're enrolled in but never went to and never turned in the required papers for.  You know you've already graduated so it doesn't make sense.  I've had that dream about every stage of my education.  I remember a dream where I was back in grade school making up a class so I could graduate from medical school.  My DH has related his "back to school" dreams.  His usually have to do with some certification that he forgot to finish.

Another common dream is the flying one.  I used to be able to fly on command, but I haven't had the focus I used to have to consciously realize I was dreaming and allow myself to fly.  Now that's a weird sensation.  I've had a lot of friends talk about how they used to do it all the time.

Friends have also talked about their superhero dreams, their traveling dreams, and their wish fulfillment dreams.  I'm including erotic dreams in there too.  Somehow, we all share similar themes.

And what about when you're learning a foreign language?  I remember living in Mexico City and dreaming in Spanish.

I've always wondered what my dogs and cats are dreaming about... do they chase rabbits around?  Are they running and playing?  When they whine and cry are they looking for a treat or in distress?

I studied about dreams in college, and I remember reading a theory that they are our brains "dumping grounds."  We encounter so much stimulation that our brains would be overwhelmed processing it all so it selects the sounds it chooses to hear, the sensations it chooses to focus on, and the sights and smells it filters out from the cacophony of impulses around us.  Then when we sleep, all the extraneous data gets dumped.  Talk about making treasures out of trash...

Birthday Shuffle a Deux #24

Fields of Gold - Eva Cassidy

Of course, Sting made this song famous, but I will always remember this version of the song because of Michelle Kwan and the 2002 Olympics.  I searched a while to find this version, and, again, Napster was my friend.  The song is about commitment, love and eventually death.


I know I've mentioned before about my goal of being in the Olympics while growing up.  Figure skating was one of the sports I liked.  I still imagine skating around a darkly lit arena with a single spotlight on me while I perform skill after skill.  In this performance, I lived vicariously through Kwan. You could feel her passion and emotion.  It made me love this song all the more.

Birthday Shuffle a Deux #6

Wow are the memories coming back... Overjoyed by Stevie Wonder

Again, like yesterday, college, Freshman Year, unrequited love song to the max... funny how this week's songs are all taking me back to that place and time. I've got to give my iPod a good shake tomorrow, but regardless.

Stevie Wonder actually was going to use the song in 1979 for an album he released, but it got left off that album and wasn't released until 1985 when it was released as a single.

The lyrics that always get me are:

"And though you don't believe that they do 

 They do come true 

 For did my dreams 

 Come true when I looked at you 

 And maybe too, if you would believe 

 You too might be Overjoyed, over loved, over me 

 And though the odds say improbable 

 What do they know 

 For in romance 

 All true love needs is a chance 

 And maybe with a chance you will find 

 You too like I 

 Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you" 

Oh, to be able to go back in time and tell that crazy, stupid 18 year old, "this is leading nowhere good..." Knowing me, though, I wouldn't have listened.

Idle Threat, I Think Not...

Given the lack of responses to my last posting, I will now start posting thoughts about my most recent dream....

Social media is definitely starting to affect all aspects of my life including, not surprisingly, my dreams.  Last night I was dreaming that I was wandering through a house with an upper apartment.  I was in the apartment when suddenly a storm brewed up.  I was excitedly watching the storm through the window when the house started to shake.  I backed away from the window only to feel the room I was in shudder furiously.

As I wondered what would happen next, the room felt like it was lifting and spinning end over end as can only happen in a dream.  In the midst of worrying if I was going to die because I knew I would soon be crashing to the ground, I suddenly wondered if I had my cell phone close by because I would want to video record the destroyed building and post it on Facebook...

Really?  Death staring me in the face.  Complete and utter devastation, and I am thinking of how cool it's going to be posting everything on Facebook...?!?

Maybe, I've got to get out more... step away from the computer...