I could not dance. Yes, I'm Hispanic, and I should have that inner rhythm, but I seriously could not dance. I remember going to dances in high school and just sort of moving along with the rhythm, but I didn't really dance. And, my good friend in college laughed at me during that freshman year whenever I tried dancing because, well, I sucked.
During that summer between college freshman and sophomore year, I started going to 18 and over dance clubs with my friend P. He challenged me to not care about what anyone thought as we danced. And, how we danced. We went to various clubs from local small clubs to larger LA beach clubs. And, we danced and danced and danced.
I watched the other people around me and started to copy their moves. And, as I did so, I gained a lot of confidence. I remember once being at a club with no one dancing and P and I being the first ones on the dance floor to get the night started. Yeah, that was fun.
When I came back to college that fall, I remember my friend asking me where I had finally learned to dance. I told her about going to dance clubs all summer. "Dirty Dancing" came out later during that year, and it soon became like a theme song for me, because I remembered the time when I couldn't dance. Plus, being that mom had listened to 60's music while I was growing up, I actually knew how to "mash potato" and how to "do the twist." Do you...?
It's always sad to lose a friendship, and worse when it's over something stupid like a man.
I went to college in San Diego, and I had a close circle of friends; in particular, two friends that I had made while living in the residence halls. In my senior year, we ended up living together.
Now, over the prior four years, we'd had our share of relationships Of ups and downs, of late nights crying and hugging, of burning photos and drinking wine coolers (yes, this was the 80's), and of promising that no matter what, we'd always be there for each other. Until "Malone" (alias) came along.
I can't remember how they met. We were all over 21 at this point and going to bars and clubs on the weekend was a usual occurrence. We had a wider circle of friends, and it wasn't unusual to be headed to a frat party followed by a party at a friend's house stopping off at a bar for last call. And, that was just Friday night. Oh, my liver.
Anyway. They met and soon weekends were spent going to places where Malone would meet us later. Then, she started going out alone with him and maybe meeting us later. Soon, the mid-week booty calls. Always at his beck and call.
Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted" came out in June of 1989, and the lyrics fit the situation perfectly. At least that's how I felt, and how I voiced my concerns to my friend. Our other friend said "the song wasn't being fair to snakes." Regardless, I committed the girl friend sin of not supporting my friend in her new relationship. As she got in deeper and deeper with Malone, our relationship suffered until we no longer had a friendship. We stopped doing things together. She stopped talking to me.
This was difficult given that we were living together at the time, but I was just a few months from graduating involved in finals and resumes and job hunting, and she was spending more time with Malone whenever he was available to her. Our other friend kept neutral and maintained her friendship with both us. She tried to advise me to support our friend, but I insisted that she was in an unhealthy relationship that was only going to end bad for her. I explained that I would be there for her when it did, but until that point, I didn't want to see her continuously subjecting herself to Malone's whims and demands.
Years later when I hear this song, I think about that friendship. I wonder if my 20-something year old self could have handled it better. I know that around the time I graduated, she stopped seeing Malone. Through our mutual friend, I know years later she eventually ended up on the East Coast, married, and had kids. A part of me wishes I could have continued to be her friend. Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
