Thursday, November 28, 2019

NaBloPoMo - Day 28 - First Thanksgiving TYOFWM

I'm sitting here trying to think of the things that I'm grateful for this year,
and it's really hard.
Not that I haven't been blessed with a good job, a beautiful home,
great husband and surrounded by good friends 
but because there is a part of me
missing this year, and I just can't seem to get past that...

I'm trying to not be sad.
I'm trying to just enjoy the beautiful day not having to work,
but there's a cloud over today as I'm sure there's going
to continue to be for a while.

For the first time I'm not thinking about turkeys and stuffing
and all of the traditional foods.
I had no appetite this morning,
and the most I can think to rustle up for lunch is
leftover pizza from yesterday.
Not even in the mood to change out of pajamas
and go out to one of the local restaurants offering
a traditional Thanksgiving dinner...

I should be volunteering today
I should be out with friends
I should be doing a lot of things,
but all I want to be doing is hanging out in the kitchen
with my mom while I prep for a small Thanksgiving dinner.
Talking to her about work, and life, and what trip we should be planning...
Asking her advice about upcoming changes
upcoming career moves
upcoming anything...

I hope when you sit down at the table tonight
all differences can be laid aside
and you hold your loved ones close
or call anyone you haven't spoken to in a while
because life is short and you never know
when someone will suddenly be gone
Have no regrets....

For that I am thankful,
Momma and I lived life together as if it could end tomorrow.
Sure, we left a few things undone,
but no regrets on the rest...

My Thanksgiving wish to you all...
Have no regrets...


betty said...

Don't dwell on what you should be doing today. You are still grieving. Its okay not to do those things. It is okay not to even do the traditions you did in the past. It is just okay to just be today and stay in pajamas. When my mom died back in 2006 right before Christmas, I couldn't put up a Christmas tree so we didn't have one. Just allow yourself the memories and the tears.


Lori said...

All these first without a loved one are so very hard. I've been missing my big brother lately, unexpectedly more now than I did the first month after he died. My heart goes out to you. {hugs}

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