NaBloPoMo - Day 18 - Seriously...?

I haven't watched "Grey's Anatomy" in the longest time, 

but one of the taglines from the show that I remember vividly

was "seriously..?"

It covered everything from boy problems, to work problems, to all general life problems.

Often, when I pick up a chart in the ED, I read the presenting complaint of

(what the patient came into the ED for) and immediately go "seriously?"

Others, I go in and interview the patient then walk out and go... "seriously?"

Still others are given the benefit of the doubt, worked up,

found to have, um, something like meth or cocaine in their system,

to which I say, "Seriously...?"

I really wish I could say it to the patient...

As in,

"Seriously..? You came in concerned that you were having a stroke because

you "couldn't think straight," or couldn't "find the right words,"

and your head and your body hurts and you're not sure why...

Well, let's see... your CT of the head was negative...

your EKG, labs, vitals are all normal...

oh, but let's focus on that drug test:

positive for cocaine

positive for methamphetamines

positive for benzodiazepines

positive for methadone (which you're not prescribed, by the way)

and you wonder why you alternatively:

don't feel right...

have been really tired...

can't seem to focus...

etc...

Seriously...?

People wonder why health care costs are so high...

I think it's in part because of all the patients like this I see on a daily basis...

Today it was like this for three different patients...

All different genders and age ranges...

I can't discount you're not having some physical symptoms which are bothering you,

but if you had initially just been a little honest about your social habits

I probably could have avoided about $5000 worth of a work-up.

Don't do drugs, seriously...

And, especially, don't do uppers which you then take downers for

which leads to more uppers, then downers, then uppers, etc, ad nauseum...

I wish we did have levels instead of just positive/negative for drugs

because I think some patients have perfected the meth/heroin ratio...

However, combining uppers and downers can 

lead to a potentially lethal combination...

Then there's the "what's this on my body...?"

Seriously, you came in for that...?