We're on the road traveling, and I can't control my impatience.
I want to get to where we're going.
I want to achieve my bucket list.
I want, I want, I want...
At times, I just want to be left alone,
and have no one ask me for anything.
But, I'm not, and I can't.
I'm traveling with my husband, mother, and 2 dogs.
And, I know it might be the last trip for my mother,
and I think that just makes everything worse.
I've been living that reality for almost a year,
thinking about when it will really be for the last time.
She's physically weaker.
She's tired more and sleeps a lot of the time.
She gets nauseated, or coughs a lot,
and I begin to wonder...
Is this too much for her?
Is she going to make it to the next stop?
Why do I get so frustrated when she can't do something simple like walk,
or go up a flight of stairs?
I'm wearing my emotions on my sleeves.
I cry at the littlest thing.
I get frustrated with my husband, who patiently
tells me to "relax, you're on vacation."
But, it's much more than that.
It's a million little things I want to make sure I enjoy
and experience with my mom,
so I can remember the good times when she's gone.
If only my impatience doesn't ruin a good time.