Sunday, May 12, 2019

TYOFWM - Mother's Day

Boy have the last two weeks been so hard.
Everywhere there were reminders that Mother's Day was approaching.
Emails about gifts to send to your mother.
Commercials about where to take your mother out to eat.
Restaurant signs advertising Mother's Day Brunch.
It's really hard to be reminded about not having a mother
to celebrate this year.
About not having to find the right card...
About not having to think about flowers...
About not having to wonder if she'd like some more earrings,
or a sweater, or a new purse.

Momma would have said, "All of the above!"

It's hard living so far away from where she's buried as well.
To not even be able to take flowers to her tomb.
I don't know that I've ever felt so separated from my mother
and so alone.
A part of me wishes she might have been cremated...
to have some of her ashes here...
to have a sense of a part of her still around....

I worked today.
A very busy busy day in the ED,
but even then my thoughts turned to her.
People wishing "Happy Mother's Day!" just reminded me
that I don't have one over and over again.
At least I made it to the bathroom before I broke down
and cried for a few moments...
Very few because I knew others were waiting.
Others who needed my help today,
and I had to be strong for them.

There'd be plenty of time for tears later on at home...
still grieving...


betty said...

Hugs to you. I prayed for you over the past several days. You "survived" it as hard as it was. It truly makes one wonder if we should have a special day set aside to honor moms and dads when people struggle to become a parent and can't because of infertility and then for those who lose a mom or lose a child. I hated Mother's Day for years when we were wanting desperately to be parents, enjoyed them again when we adopted, and then had the first year without my mom (it will get better I promise you). You will be grieving for a long time. I wish I could say something different than that but its the truth. You will find yourself thinking you are doing okay and then something will happen that will put you in a tailspin of grief that will seem worse than what you first experienced when she passed. Time will heal the raw grief but grief is a new friend of yours. An unwelcome one, but now part of your life. And for that I'm so sorry. You sadly have joined the "have not's" of not having your mom alive. No one wants to be part of that group but more often than not we all end up with it. I'm here for you if you ever need anything as you walk this journey you don't want to be on. You will continue to be in my prayers.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss

My mother is all I have now and I dread that day being an only child. :\

--- chris

Kortni Ferguson said...

Mother's Day is just the worst.

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