Boy have the last two weeks been so hard.
Everywhere there were reminders that Mother's Day was approaching.
Emails about gifts to send to your mother.
Commercials about where to take your mother out to eat.
Restaurant signs advertising Mother's Day Brunch.
It's really hard to be reminded about not having a mother
to celebrate this year.
About not having to find the right card...
About not having to think about flowers...
About not having to wonder if she'd like some more earrings,
or a sweater, or a new purse.
Momma would have said, "All of the above!"
It's hard living so far away from where she's buried as well.
To not even be able to take flowers to her tomb.
I don't know that I've ever felt so separated from my mother
and so alone.
A part of me wishes she might have been cremated...
to have some of her ashes here...
to have a sense of a part of her still around....
I worked today.
A very busy busy day in the ED,
but even then my thoughts turned to her.
People wishing "Happy Mother's Day!" just reminded me
that I don't have one over and over again.
At least I made it to the bathroom before I broke down
and cried for a few moments...
Very few because I knew others were waiting.
Others who needed my help today,
and I had to be strong for them.
There'd be plenty of time for tears later on at home...