TYOFWM - Two Monthaversary

Well, at least I am no longer suicidal....

But I still cry occasionally for no apparent reason.

And, I am often overcome by waves of melancholy...

How can she be gone...?

The world is so different.

And, I have changed too...

DH says it's like I suddenly don't know what to do with myself...

I've had the last two weeks off work.

I initially spent a lot of this off time on the internet...

and, I found this image:

I don't know why I've always equated hummingbirds with my Mom.

I can't say it's her favorite bird.

I don't even know if she had a favorite bird.

But, if I bought her jewelry, or a shirt, it would have a 

hummingbird on it.

As part of my self-imposed grief therapy during this time off,

 I made myself start

sketching and drawing again...

One day, I found myself sketching that second bird in the series...

then, I added a pretty basic background of just 

shapes.

Next thing I knew, I was filling in an ocean and fields

and hills and clouds in the sky...

And this happened:

I stopped for a moment and 

looked in shock at my sketch and realized I had drawn a hummingbird

flying over the area where I live.

And, I realized it felt like my mother's soul as it left this earth;

flying high about everything, free from confines,

light as a bird...

And, it brought me some measure of peace.

So much so, that in the last week, I've been spending

less time on the internet and more time doing creative things:

like painting again...

I took some art work from a painting class in acrylics

and re-painted over them in oils...

This is one of my favorites:

 I first painted it in 2014, and I loved the fall feel it had...

Here it is in oils:

I feel like I brightened it up and gave it some more depth...

It's been a good week.

And, I've even started a new larger painting.

But, we'll keep that one under wraps for a bit...

Right now, I'm just glad to have found a little bit of joy

in the dark and gloomy new world

I've suddenly found myself in...